Mother Magic and The Invisible Labor of Christmas

This idea and concept comes from my wife Dr. JoAnn Foley-DeFiore. She, like mothers everywhere, has put the magic in our holiday gatherings for years and not received nearly enough credit, commendation or compensation. 

Let's set the record straight on Christmas: a fat white guy who works one day a year gets all the credit, but it's the moms who do all the work. 

This is the true story of Christmas. I'm not talking about the baby Jesus in a manger, God descending to earth true story. That one is solid. I am talking about the actual, practical effort needed to prepare, plan, gift, gather and clean up Christmas.

By the way, the Jesus of justice and mercy whose birth Christians celebrate, would look at all this and ….he’d be pretty pissed. He might reach for a whip. He might look for immaculately adorned dinner table to flip over. 

The fat guy gets the credit and what's worse we aren't even allowed to tell the kids the truth: Mom and Grandmom and Aunt so-and-so did it all! It would break their little spirits. Heck, it might even cause them to respect women more or lead to a dangerous spread of appreciation.

Yes, while the (Western) world indulges in tales of a benevolent Santa Claus, it is mothers who meticulously orchestrate every detail to create the enchantment we call Christmas. Their labor is the silent engine driving the holiday spirit.

It is mothers who meticulously orchestrate every detail to create the enchantment we call Christmas. Their labor is the silent engine driving the holiday spirit.

Some mothers pick up another job or extra shifts to make sure they can buy presents. Some exchange items with other mothers to make sure all the kids get something. Some go into debt. Some go into hyperdrive. Many go into depression. But to preserve the magic, they wrap up their own feelings in layers of brightly colored expectations and appearances.

And the fat guy gets the credit. (sigh)

We often romanticize this seasonal bustle as "Christmas magic," yet it might be more aptly named "mother magic."

Invisible Labor Behind the Festivities 

If you want to make your work visible and therefore valued, dress in a ridiculous red costume and fly around in a sled giving out gifts. 

Alternatively, if you aim for your work to be invisible and taken for granted, take every opportunity– whether a child's nap, your own down time or sleep time--and commit it to serving and preserving others happiness and wellbeing.

The late sociologist Arlene Kaplan Daniels coined the term "invisible labor" in the 1980s. She described invisible labor as unpaid work that takes place in the private sphere, outside of the market economy:  valuable to individuals, families and organizations but not valued or formally compensated for. 

Consider the holiday season as we review Daniels' dimensions of invisible labor: 

- Home tasks: cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping 

- Cognitive labor: meal planning, budgeting deciding what to buy 

- Emotional labor: managing one's own and helping others manage their emotions

- Dealing with stereotypes and biases 

- "Code-switching" to fit the dominant culture 

That doesn't sound like holiday cheer to me. It sounds exhausting.

Here's the point: sorry kids, there is no Santa and no elves, just a bunch of stressed out moms trying like hell to pull another rabbit out of the hat.

Back to Work

For this annual cultural and economic feat to pull of Christmas, something that keeps families together, keeps communities thriving and keeps the economy healthy, these mothers will surely return to their "formal" jobs and be met with the same appreciation they are due during the festivities. Right?

Or maybe not.

They will return to workplaces where they face a persistent wage gap (earning just 82 cents for every dollar earned by men; worse still for women of color), remain starkly underrepresented in leadership positions (holding only 27% of Fortune 500 CEO roles), and endure pervasive sexual harassment (with 81% experiencing some form in their lifetime).

Christmas, in its current cultural mythology, inadvertently underscores the disparity between visible and invisible labor—between the work that is celebrated and the work that is quietly assumed.

As we revel in the joys of the season, we must acknowledge the profound impact of mothers' work, both during the holidays and throughout the year. Their efforts, too often taken for granted, are the foundation of our social, spiritual and economic lives.

As we revel in the joys of the season, we must acknowledge the profound impact of mothers' work, both during the holidays and throughout the year.

This Christmas, let us shift our gaze from the mythical North Pole to the real-world kitchens and living rooms where the true magic is crafted. At a minimum, most of the moms I know just want some help and some appreciation. But we can do better than that.

Many years ago we took our kids to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what they wanted. It was magical, fanciful, mysterious. The world needs those things. But the stories we tell matter. A guy sitting in a chair once a year granting wishes while smiling at a camera held by a mom who won't get the credit, is dangerous in a world that has a real problem valuing, respecting and protecting women.

Maybe we don't need to get rid of the Christmas story. Maybe we just expand it so the kids know that, in reality, Santa works for your mom. And then we’ll see that, since Mom is the CEO of Christmas, she deserves more help, more money, more benefits, and a lot more appreciation.

One might read this and assume we in my family are “Christmas haters” or somehow against joy. That couldn’t be further from the truth!

We love Christmas and all the holidays that bring families together around the world. We also believe strongly that those who make these holidays possible should be recognized properly.